Category: Joke Board
Someone tried to sabotage a Puerto Rican beauty
queen's chances at the Miss Universe crown
by spraying her dress with pepper spray.
She won anyway, after icing her body down backstage
(which, coincidentally, would have been *my* suggestion).
The Top 12 Ways to Sabotage a Beauty Pageant
12> Toilets that puke back.
11> "We've secretly replaced Miss California's rice cakes with
styrofoam patties. Let's see if she notices."
10> Make binging and purging separate categories, both judged
by weight.
9> Have the talent portion judged by Paula Abdul.
8> Remove all mirrors, blow dryers and makeup from the dressing
room.
7> Joan and Melissa Rivers. Need I say more?
6> Prior to the interview segment, replace lipstick tubes with
strawberry-flavored glue sticks.
5> Require that all answers must be provided in the form of
a coherent statement.
4> Snakes On The Stage!
3> Tell Miss Congeniality that her boyfriend is backstage making
out with Britney Spears.
2> All judges must have a current membership with the Braille
Institute.
and the Number 1 Way to Sabotage a Beauty Pageant...
1> Thump their skulls. Toss out the ones that don't sound fresh.
Thump! (That's you lurid lady).
If you post another goddam list I'm giving your email address to a few select zoners, and telling them ... I'll think of something. Maybe I'll turn it into a list.
Bob, don't be pissy just because you can't enter the Miss America Pageant.
Don’t worry about it Bob, I entered, and let me tell you it’s not what it’s cracked up to be. I think the voting was fixed. The only section I won was the bathing suit contest, and I thought for sure I was a shoo-in for the talent contest…sculpting Mt. Rushmore out of spam should have won me first place.
She's just jealous because she can't enter either.
Bob
It's a little known fact that I am Miss America.
Bob, you actually did pretty well in the evening gown competition.
Glenn, too bad I can't make JAWS do a wolf whistle. You really looked hot in the bathing suit competition.
Becky, I always wondered what started the civil war. You're old enough, and, if you were crowned ms America, it'd certainly start a war.
Thank you…don’t tell anybody but the secret is glue. You use glue to keep the bathing suit fit snugly and not move. The problem is, all the hair was ripped off my chest when I took the thing off.